Applying for jobs...to the glory of God

Interesting experience blogging today. Earlier, I had written a post that focused on my recent experience applying for jobs. The process had been such a hassle and I needed to vent out my frustrations. Funny how that works, I began writing about how my day started off so horribly, and then found myself transitioning into God's well laid out plan that brought me straight into his arms.

¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling or arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ¹⁶ as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. ¹⁷ But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. ¹⁸ So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

-Philippians 2: 14-18

I hit the backspace key and began to write a brand new post. Here it is:

This morning was pretty difficult. I woke up and became instantly overwhelmed by the task at hand: job hunting! As soon as I began thinking this way, I started to let my mind wander into all the related areas I was frustrated about...

• zero leads or callbacks from prospective employers, 
• tailoring my resume and cover letters to fit every job I apply for,
• not using my time wisely, 
• chronic pain,
• unrealistic expectations, etc. 

Basically, I became engrossed in my self-pity. The best part was when I convinced myself that not even the gas station down the street would hire me because I wouldn't be a "good fit" for their company. Those of you who know me understand why I am not the biggest fan of that phrase. Yeah, I convinced myself I could not work at a gas station, and just like in the movies, I threw the sheets over my head and cried. Now, that I think back, I was pretty ridiculous.

Suddenly,  I remembered the task I had committed to last week, something I knew I needed to do before completing anything else this morning. Memorize Romans 6! Grudgingly, I told myself, I don't have time for this- I need to sit in my bed and sulk for the rest of the day! Thankfully, the Lord knew my need and graciously answered my prayer to get motivated. I got out of bed, made some scrambled eggs and spinach pancakes and opened the good book to Romans 6.

At first, the words were discombobulated and fuzzy. I couldn't make any sense of the chapter and nothing was sticking in my head. Frustrated, I closed my Bible, put my head on the table and began to cry again. I thought, what's the point God, I can't even understand your word or retain a cohesive thought in my head. Might as well just give it up for the day. Thank the Lord, for He is patient and understanding. He knew I needed comforting and some extra time to sulk. This made me realize I desperately needed to invest time in this chapter, even if that meant staying in one sentence for the rest of the morning. I prayed that He would clear my head and remove all the distractions from my mind. I opened my Bible and began to read...not memorize, just read.

It wasn't magic. My head was still fuzzy, but as I kept reading, the words began to make sense- the concepts became clear- and the memorization started to happen. God's word began to flow through my veins like no other truth had done before. My response, was a heart of joy and gladness. I can't explain it, but it definitely wasn't the typical- "I'm feeling better" moment. It was a- "I know my God is bigger than this, and I have a hope that is non-conditional, which is giving me strength during this time of need" -moment. No self help book can give you that kind of peace.

I am now 11 verses into the chapter. That may not seem like a lot to some people, but as I am memorizing I am trying not get wrapped up in the technique, rather allow the power of God's word to infiltrate my heart while nourishing my mind with His truth. Memorization is happening in a completely different way then I expected. It's not quit the same as reciting a skit, or even Bible verses for Awana. This is totally different and I'm starting to understand that now =)

After this attitude change, I realized I wanted to apply for jobs again. Not in a grudging way, but so that, by filling out applications and submitting resumes, I would be doing so in obedience to the King. 1 Corinthians 10:31 "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." Right away, I found an open position, and began the application process that took approx. 4 1/2 hours to complete! I don't think I've ever worked so hard on one job application- but it was worth it. It looks like there is a sense of urgency on their part, so I am praying for a quick call back and will hopefully get an interview.

Sooooooooooooooo this post was supposed to be about the stress of looking for a job...

¹⁷ But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. ¹⁸ So you too should be glad and rejoice with me. 

;)

maybe i'm amazed...

So loving this song right now, it deserves its own post.

Learning & Pursuing

Thank the Lord, I finally have the desire to write again. This was supposed to be one of my New Year's Resolutions- to blog, write and journal more. I did not want to start this process only to call myself a diligent writer, rather, so that I could make it a habit of documenting my life circumstances and enjoy watching the Lord complete His work in the lives of others as well as my own. I haven't been doing a great job of this, but starting is always an indication of a heart that is willing to be diligent and obedient.

So here's what I'm going to write about. Nothing crazy or super exciting. Just some things that God has been teaching me in 2011...wait, I take it back, this IS exciting =)

Recently, I have been studying the old testament and learning from the ways of God's chosen people. One repetitive theme: the people of God were always in doubt of His promises, and turned to other idols for their worship and pleasure. The Israelites are probably our best example of a people who plainly saw the work of a Holy God, and when times got hard, they strayed from their knowledge of Him.

There are many examples in the Bible about people who were obedient to the Lord, but later became consumed by their passions and sinful desires to follow other gods. Solomon, is one of the most well known example of this lifestyle. As a king, Solomon was not only the wealthiest, but the also wisest man that lived during that time. "The whole world sought audience with Solomon to hear the wisdom God had put in his heart" (1 Kings 10:24). He was also the king who led Israel to complete the building of the magnificent temple first conceived by his father David. Unfortunately, as Solomon aged he become less devoted to his God and more consumed with the pleasures of this world. He was married, and yet, took over 1,000 women into his bed chamber, and brought many foreigners into his land to build idols, temples and godless alters- all of which he worshiped of his own accord.

At this point, I was disgusted with Solomon and on the brink of judging him for his faulty actions. However, I knew this attitude was wrong, and as usual, I had to think about what God was teaching me through this lesson. As we all know in our own lives, it is difficult to be constantly around people who are not like us, who believe differently than we do, and to not begin to adopting some of their beliefs and practices. This can be spiritually exhausting, especially if our faith is weak. This is what happened to the nation of Israel.

Thankfully, the story doesn't end there. At the end of his life, Solomon returned to his first love, the Lord God who created the nations for His glory. He wrote the book of Ecclesiastes as a sign of repentance and warned others not do the same.

I can easily trick myself into believing that the sins of these people were exclusive, but I would be in denial of my own ability to fall when God is not the center of my life. It's bad enough that I can read these historical accounts and cast blame for their actions, I must also fight against the lie that I am more educated and biblical in the way I live out my walk with Jesus. Somehow, our culture has grown accustomed to this belief and we live in a way that allows no accountability for our actions. I pray that the Lord would throw a brick at me when that kind of thinking starts to infiltrate my mind.

I'm so thankful for God's faithfulness right now. In addition to reading through the OT, I have been working on memorizing Romans 6. I'm not sure why, but I really feel like it's a chapter I need to have in my head when sin decides to show its ugly face in my life. Every morning, I wake up and pray that God would clear my mind of all other distractions and to focus on Him with utter diligence (memorizing is not one of my strong suits- I think that's why I feel such a strong desire to watch Jesus transform that area of my life). God has already shown himself to be faithful when I'm having a bad day, not wanting to journal or work on my memorization. He has come through in ways I would've never expected.

One area I am really struggling with is not having a job. Just over 2 weeks ago, I was laid off from a wonderful non-profit company that I was working for in East Seattle. I wish I could've stayed, but the company made the decision and sent me packing =( Even though I'm saddened over what happened, I can't help but see how God has been using this time to bring me into deeper relationship with Him. As a result, I have been forced to put all of my effort and trust into His hands, and not rely on my 8-5pm commitment to give me purpose in life. While I'm still diligently looking for work, I am equally striving to learn how to use my time wisely and pursue Him like the people pursued Solomon for His faith and wisdom. I know the Lord is gracious and He will always keep me. He will always pursue me. He will never leave or abandon me. So thankful...so very thankful :)

Former blog accidently deleted. Time for a fresh start!

Long story short, my former blog was deleted...sad day =( All of my early experiences and updates from Washington were in there, but I will not cry over spilled milk. Time to move on and create new memories.